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How to balance life in a world full of opportunities? How do I know which opportunities to seize? How to balance life? I am learning that it is an integration by defining what is important and what is worth time. I had bought the lie that the world sold me: I was only worth my work ethic. Read it again. I bought a lie that my worth and the core of my identity was measured by how hard I worked for my family, my friends, my colleagues, and myself. Society deemed me acceptable because my work ethic was one of exhaustion and putting my values and value system into a system that only honored what I could give it.

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It was on my missions' trip in Mexico when I realized that I was gone for a whole week, and nothing fell apart and into flames while I was gone; so not everything depended on Stephanie’s divine intervention. This was news to me!

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It was like God was showing me how we aren’t really in control of anything—except the person whom our circumstances and life make us to be.​

Well, believe it or not, my mental state was shot. I was bitter and angry. I didn’t enjoy life. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t miserable all the time, but it sure was a fight to gain an ounce of real happiness. … WHY?

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I looked around and had so much to be grateful for: an amazing, talented, and thoughtful husband; wonderful, creative, and funny kids—a family with quirks I have grown to admire and would not trade for anything. Finally, I questioned, “Well, God what is my problem?” And I definitely feel like He replied, “I thought you would never ask.” (We have a funny relationship like that.)​

I’m out of balance.
I’m out of order.
I’m chasing dreams the wrong way.
I’m distracted.
I’m inconsistent.

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Truly, God did not roast me like that. He actually just told me that I was out of balance. I needed to change my way of life to integrate different habits in my routines to see real change. Well, at that point I was grateful God told me some stuff about myself, constructive criticism if you may. He is always working on my… “H word”… humility.

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So now, I have an assignment… but I do not know how to execute it, producing a million excuses. Things I said and thought include: “Well, how am I going to add anything to my schedule? I have too many kids, too many things to do. When can I even fit it in?”

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Fit. It. In.

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Ouch.

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It was then that I realized the very life that God gave to me, and the free will to be as creative, constructive, helpful, fun, and responsible as I want. This opportunity God GAVE ME through Jesus’—my big brother’s—LIFE. And, in my spare time, I’m watching cat videos and cooking videos of stuff I will never make and do. I had to make time to fit God into the very gift of life He gave me, and that’s when I realized by God-given discernment what I had prayed for!! (Answers never come in the way we think, right?).

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I realized something had to change.

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I remember one of our pastors talking about quiet time and point of reference. When you don’t know where to go beyond your own knowledge, where do you go? Who is your point of reference? Yes, God gave me an assignment, but He also gave me the resources. He is a super smart and creative God. So He could give us all the answers and how to execute them and give us every detail we need along the way, right?

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That wouldn’t make much sense though. He is in us, trying to show us that we also have that divine power in us. If God put the dream in there, He will see it to completion. He keeps His promises tenfold. Look at Ruth and Naomi. Look at David. Look at Moses. The more I think about it and the deeper I go, the more confident I am in the simple fact that there is a lesson in any blessing. Don’t hold a negative connotation of that. We are human and need more lessons and blessings.​

Pace yourself. Distractions DISTRACT, so call them out (TikTok, Facebook, etc.). Pace yourself on one thing at a time. Burn out is real. Balancing your time, life, hobbies, work, and kids is a necessity. We dread them because we are not discipled/disciplined. Disciple = discipline. How can I move into the next stage of anything God has for me in life when I cannot give the proper attention and discipline for this stage/season of life?

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What I have learned about this is, when we try to move on to the next level without our lesson or our blessing, we will fail.​

Here is where I was stuck: I needed real life help from real people on how they balanced their time, family, work, etc. NOT ADVICE FROM SOMEONE ONLINE MAKING A 30 SECOND VIDEO. I shouldn’t have to say it, but someone needs to read it. Those people make content for a living. They show us a snippet in their life that makes us think that we don’t have it together, and that is just not true. So, I went to people whom I know and respect, with real-life hardships, responsibilities, families, businesses, and more that they balance.

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My first stop was a couple whose to-do list and grocery bill must be never-ending: Brother Allen and Sister Amy Hickman. This couple is so real, open, and honest. They practice what they believe, even when it is not easy; and the struggles they endure only make them more relatable. I was grateful they took the time out to discuss this important matter with me.

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One of the first things from the conversation I’d like to point out is that I need to get my priorities in order. It seemed like such a simple and effective way to start. Then Sister Amy said something that truly resonated with me: it’s a balance between being flexible and being faithful.

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I don’t often “stew” on words, but if we could, let’s just sit and let this simmer or stew in our minds. I know as a working mom of 4, it often feels like I can’t be flexible. That goes against my whole thought process of being structured and put together. If there is no structure, there is CHAOS! But maybe the chaos was the mother (me) thinking everything is going to go according to plan and leaving no room for error… or doing everything I could to actively prevent any inconvenience that I thought may come up. (Come on, moms. We know what I’m talking about.)

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Like a 5-foot-fairy-Godmother, it was as if Sister Amy unlocked the permission in my mind to be flexible in the moments of uncertainty (truly any moments) because with being flexible I can integrate being faithful.

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Being flexible and faithful is at the top of the list. Let me give an example we can all relate to. Let’s say that you are participating in the week of fasting and prayer, and you give up sweets for the week. One day, you fall short of glory, all temptation takes over your reckless tastebuds, and you eat a doughnut. Oh, the disappointment! Ooh, the rage! Oh, the goodness followed by overwhelming guilt covered with sprinkles! We tend to fall so deep into our fleshly ways of disgust and despair because we messed up. You ate a doughnut on day 3. Now, you are not even worthy to finish this fast. The truth is that you were not worthy to start it either. But, have faith that God is flexible with your decisions.

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I was also able to meet with a passionate, caring, and incredible woman, Sister Missy Lee. Mrs. Missy captivated my heart probably 8 years or so ago. She was the Children’s Pastor when I started coming to Resurrection Life Church, and I always had children with me. Mrs. Missy is someone who doesn’t just speak life but has life in her eyes that will just give you life by looking into them. Mrs. Missy runs a business with her husband, and she also raised 4 children during hard times. She had great advice, and I enjoyed seeing her process on how she executes things. She mentioned how she and her husband would communicate about schedules and bills at a designated time so that they could really listen to each other rather than just a “passing thought” for someone to forget about later. She also has a very detailed paper planner and mentioned that she has a dry erase board in her bathroom that she keeps updated for them (I think it’s mostly for her husband since husbands get short-term memory loss sometimes. LOL).

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Mrs. Missy also explained to me that she makes sure to take time out to enjoy her hobbies, her husband, and her grandkids. She is a balancing act, for sure, but it’s because she is intentional with her/their time. She sat down and figured out her priorities just like Brother Allen and Sister Amy had.

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I was also able to email with Brother Todd about the original idea all together of balancing time, because I am still (and always will be) working on time management. I wasn’t able to meet with him and Sister Nina, but he did mention some good points as he usually does.

“If you don’t control your time, someone else will.”

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“Essentialism is not about how to get more things done, but how to get the right things done.”

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This fell right in line with what my mentors were all saying. It all boiled down to my priorities. We must find a balance in the system and work it. We can’t let the system work us, which is a fleshly and painful exercise to get out of if you bought into the lie like I did.​

I’ve been reading a good read, “God Calls Us To Do Hard Things” by the US Senator Katie Britt. She has faced many adversities on her plan of success and failure, but she persevered. In a section titled Valleys Make Peaks Possible, Katie shares the following:

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“These were not the right things for me. And, in fact, they would have gotten in the way of what was the right thing, of what was God’s plan. These failures pushed me in different directions, albeit ones that were frustrating in the moment. We have to remind ourselves that sometimes God gets us out of our lane and lights up another one because He knows we are too fearful to do it ourselves. So, don’t be fearful of God’s will even if it’s different than yours, even if it includes failure along the journey. The world sees our peaks, but God knows our valleys. And while those peaks are often fun, the valleys shape and define us. The valleys are where He carves us and builds us up.”

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I just want to be raw and relatable for a minute. I have been in a valley of comparison, perfection, legalism, and discouragement, trying to figure it all out. God gave me the discernment that I had truly never figured anything out. So, this time around, God is really in control. I am asking Him to show me the order of my priorities, and I am expecting Him to teach me how to balance everything that He gave me. I cherish this life and, when I am not balancing things well, no one gets the version of me that they deserve, especially God. God is my priority; He is first before anything on this balancing act. Integrate God into your life again in every moment you can. The rest will fall into place… because He said so.

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