I realized, in going to Maine, that there were going to be “people” obstacles that I would have to overcome. There would also be physical aspects that I would have to achieve before I could go on such a physical adventure. I am a very thoughtful person and a long-term planner, in the most general way possible. This trip had been in my dreams and thoughts since I was told that I would not ever walk normally again, if I could even walk at all. Another obstacle to overcome was doctors telling me that I have a cognitive disease. The hair on the back of my neck would bristle every time I was told a new diagnosis.
Don’t tell me I can’t do something because MY GOD IS IN THE MIRACLE BUSINESS!
I knew that I needed to break through to the core of my issues—from head to toe, all the diseases that were proclaimed over my mind and body—before I could move forward. Inch by inch, talk therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and every therapy that I could possibly utilize to rebuild myself, I pursued. But first, I fell deeply into the Word of God. Reading scripture and talking to Christian friends gave me a deeper faith and hope. I talked and counseled with someone who knew how to invoke the Holy Spirit and teach me how to have a fire in my belly driven by the Holy Spirit. I was doing the daily work to learn more and more about my connection with the Holy Spirit. I prayed for healing, stayed the course through the highs and lows, and begged at times that God would put me out of my misery. The struggle was insane. It was worldly. It was sin.
Learning how to let go with God and trust Him completely did not come easily. Finally, feeling defeated, I dropped my guard and allowed God to have complete control. He started to rewire my mind to God’s will for me. Meditating with God as I envisioned Him removing each broken wire in my brain and replacing it with a new, Spirit-filled wire took months, even years.
Why did I want to go back to Maine? Simple. I wanted to see if I could enjoy myself and make the trip all about God and me, even though there would be serious people challenges and physical things that I thought were only going to be achieved by some miracle. I wanted to see if I could let go of the people that I thought were my friends and family without it destroying myself or even upsetting me. I love a good challenge. So, knowing that going into this beautiful State could be difficult, I succeeded in my goals. I even excelled. I didn’t even flinch at the people issues. There was not one stressful moment when people obviously were not in the same space as me. Lots of darkness surrounded most everyone I was in contact with, so I prayed for them and allowed the light of God to shine through me. When people asked me about family members, I stated the same thing over and over: “I do not keep in touch with that person.” I was fully awakened to myself. I was independent and on my own, seeing how I would respond, challenging myself and pushing through situations like a runner in their last few miles. My mind was buzzing with what I was seeing in nature, the ocean, the old roads that I knew by heart, everything God has made in the State of my birth. Every day I set a new goal and accomplished it. I rejoiced over and over. Success was definitely in the air.
Another plan I made was to live on a shoestring budget, vagranting around and utilizing my skills of running under the radar. I gifted strangers with kindness and helped out where I could, in the name of Jesus. The feeling of “no one knows where I am” was intoxicating. No worries, no pressures. Absolutely nothing to concern myself with but having fun, praying, and talking to God about all His blessings while admiring His creation.
Stepping in the Atlantic Ocean again, I let out a squeal of delight and was full of joy as I thanked God for this experience. Searching for rocks and sea glass. Closing my eyes and listening to the ocean roll while being enveloped in the smell of that North Atlantic Ocean air. Tasting the salt on my lips while my cheeks chapped red in the wind. The taste of hot coffee in the cold air. Seeing my breath at night as I stood on the edge of a river. Sitting at ponds and lakes, looking at the foliage. Taking deep breaths of air that felt healing. Driving along miles of blueberry fields that were changing to the color red, making the ground look like a place to lie down and roll around like a child. Watching the sky change from a bright blue to a deep blue while the leaves danced on the birch trees. Holding birchbark in my hands. Leaves crunching under my feet. Walking barefoot on the dirt that grounded me with every step I took. Traveling dirt roads that were dark in color as the trees made a colorful umbrella over them to protect what was there. Cozy wood stove fires when the temperature bottoms out and frost covers everything outside. Watching the frost melt in the mornings as the sun rose. The mist that covered my body when I stood at the water. Standing in the sun to get warmed up, turning front to back to get all sides warm. Falling into bed from being outside for as many hours that I could squeeze into each day. Sleeping like I hadn’t slept in years. Prayers with God of gratitude and healing. Waking before dawn each day to watch the sunrise.
Finally, I was ready to come home with a new appreciation of my Husband and children, a brand new outlook on how God transplanted us to Mississippi. How He planted the 4 of us in the Bible Belt. How He saved our lives from salvation to being fully covered in the Lord.
I now grasp all of God’s grace and finally feel whole within my mind, body, heart, and soul. I am ready to start the next chapter of my life serving God in whatever His will is for me. He is my all in all. Praise God on High! God says, “Live!”