Psychology Today published an article in March of 2025 titled “Unmasking 101: Learning To Be Who You Are,” and one of the top summarized points it covered in the article is this: Masking is a trauma response, not a flaw—research links to burnout, anxiety, and identity loss. It goes on to state the following: “You may have learned early on to hide parts of yourself to stay safe, to fit in, or to avoid being punished, bullied, or rejected… pressure to conform was probably compounded by social, cultural, or even internalized expectations about how you were ‘supposed’ to be. Unmasking is the process of undoing that.”

 

“Masking” is a term often used in relation to neurodivergence. If you have or someone you know has ADD, ADHD, AuDHD, or Autism, you may already be familiar with this term and its function. There is a particular expectation of how to behave and/or present yourself in different areas of this life. You learn what those expectations are and then perform them when in those areas. Not to be redundant, but picture it this way: Your nature may not be bubbly or overtly social, yet your workplace may require you to be so to fulfill the duties of your role. So, when you are getting ready for work each day, part of your “uniform” includes the “mask” that presents you as the personality, energy level, and compliant member of society that is expected of you. You slip that mask on and face the day operating in a manner that may not truly reflect who you are naturally or how you feel. And once you’re away from that environment, home, or in what you deem to be a safe place, that mask comes off. The facial expressions that have been “on” all day are able to rest. The customer service, diplomatic, or friendly voice used with others may transpose down quite a few notes to a calmer, duller speaking range. The shoulder muscles begin to release the tension from being held up “in an approachable way” all day. Your mind may switch to what I call “low power mode” to recover after all the encountered stimulation that actively wears on your mask during the day. Even more ways that you mask may be disassembled once in an environment that doesn’t require anything of you but to be yourself.

 

All day long, you are hiding in plain sight.

 

So many people—neurodivergent or not—play this game day in and day out. A happy mask donned for those struggling with depression. A confident masked placed over a face riddled with insecurities. An ambivalent mask concealing a storm of resentment. The illustrations could go on and on, especially in a world that dictates how you should be perceived in order to be accepted. We play into the hands of culture so as to not be outcast, ridiculed, or looked down upon.

 

Until the face behind the mask is revealed, nothing can change. It’s a perpetual, exhausting cycle. You hide in plain sight, then you hide in solitude. You show the world the face you believe they want, and you go home to face the real you in the mirror.

 

Heavy? Yeah. It is. And that’s okay.

 

Because that mirror is there for a reason.

 

James 1:22-24 puts it this way – “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.”

 

And to piggyback on that, here is 1 Corinthians 13:12 – “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.”

 

Hearing the Word of the Lord, then living it out reflects Jesus Christ in us, just as “He did what He saw and heard the Father doing. (my paraphrase)” When we look into the mirror and face ourselves, does our countenance look more like Jesus or the world? The closer we get, the more like Him we become, the more clearly we can see our reflection becoming like Him. We initially know ourselves “in part” as Paul wrote, but there is no one greater who knows us than the One who created us. Because He created us, He alone truly and fully knows us.

 

“I shall know just as I also am known.”

 

When I was about 19 years old, I was earnestly seeking the Lord. I was hungry for a stronger relationship with Him. However, I felt like I kept hitting this boundary line and I just couldn’t seem to break past it. No amount of worship, quiet time, or Bible study seemed to help. So… I asked.

 

“Father, I want to know You more. I keep hitting this wall, it seems. Help me? I want to be closer to You, but I don’t know what is stopping me. What is it?”

 

“Forgive your father and you will be able to draw closer to Me,” was the response I received from Him.

 

Excuse me?? Did He somehow forget all the reasons why I was still holding the anger, bitterness, even hatred against my father all these years? That’d never stopped my being able to grow closer to Him before, so why was it an issue now?

 

I made up my mind reflexively, taking my “good little Christian” mask off since He already knew me and didn’t care a lick about religious niceties. I could easily have started listing off (chronologically AND alphabetically) the grudges and roots of unforgiveness I held against my father if God wanted the refresher. But, He knew. Of course, He knew before I even spoke.

 

“Nah. I’m good. Thanks.”

 

It breaks my heart now as I look back on that time. I allowed that mask to remain in place for too long. I liked how it fit, how it made me feel, how it presented me as a strong, independent, young woman. I knew the ugly that festered just underneath the surface. The mask was more attractive to others than the truth hidden beneath.

 

My quiet times after that were a struggle. The Lord did not forsake our time together. His patience was a gift I didn’t deserve. His faithfulness even when I was being blatantly disobedient was absurd in its goodness. His love never failed, not once, and I continued to be a brat to Him about not forgiving my father.

 

Until months later, when I was fed up with not getting any closer to Him. I was done pretending that I had this continually growing relationship with God. So, I dropped my religious mask in His presence and bared my heart to Him in obedience.

 

“FINE! Okay? I’ll forgive him.” I pitched my own little fit. “I want to know YOU better, but I don’t need to know him more. Please, help me forgive him.”

 

I could sense the pleasure of the Father’s heart in that first step. He wanted me to know Him more, obviously, but He could see more of what my lack of forgiveness was withholding from me. He knew what blessings awaited once I did forgive.

 

For the next year to two years, I had to lay my unforgiveness against my father down at Jesus’ feet over and over and over again. Any time something would happen that would trigger those feelings of anger, bitterness, etc., I’d fight to not pick it all back up. I would not only vocalize my forgiveness to God, but I eventually started to pray for my father’s blessings as well. I noticed something shifting between my father and myself during that time. Walls were coming down between us. We were spending time together that wasn’t riddled with angst. I was getting to know him more.

 

And one day, when a memory or something should have triggered those old destructive feelings, my heart was not moved against him. My heart moved toward him instead. Praying for him no longer held pain or discomfort. It held hope, the desire to see him succeed, and… love.

 

The mask that I used to wear that hid my unforgiveness and the cover-up for my plateaued relationship with the Lord no longer fit, nor was it even wanted. I didn’t even need to put it on around my family. It was rendered obsolete by my obedience to change, to surrender, to give up what I thought was rightly justified.

 

And not only did I gain a greater relationship with the Father in the process, but I gained a real relationship with my earthly father too.

 

To circle back to the beginning, Psychology Today stated that masking is a trauma response linked to identity loss. Their article provides a list of ways to help with unmasking. There isn’t much hope offered in the realm of removing the mask permanently. But, if there is anything that I know about our Creator, the Almighty God, is that there is no greater power or authority than Him. He heals because it is His nature as the Healer, and He gives us identity because He, as our Creator, knows us better than we know ourselves. He healed the pain that caused the trauma I was responding from, and He reaffirmed and reassured me of my identity—one that I don’t have to put on a mask for and pretend to be.

 

Daughter.

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by Kat Dufrene