“What now?” That’s the question we ask ourselves after any life-changing event. If we’re honest, it doesn’t even have to be a life-changing event for us to ask that. In today’s fast-paced world, you’re either running with the herd or you're left behind.

 

I’m a planner. I like to stay two steps ahead at all times. I homeschool my daughter and before the first semester even starts I’m already researching next year's curriculum. I’m always asking, “What now,” or should I say, “What’s next?” If you’re anything like me, you’re always asking the same question as well, but let's be honest that it’s more of a rhetorical question. We’re not really looking for an answer. We have full intent on coming up with a solution ourselves. Let's face it: sometimes God’s answer doesn’t fit into our timeframe. Sometimes, God’s answer isn’t exactly what we want to hear.

 

But what if God is the only answer to our ‘what now’ question? What if He’s the only solution to our problem? That would make sense, since He is in fact the Author of our lives.

 

I’m an author, and I’m currently finishing up the first of a series of three chapter books. As I write each book, I write with the other two in mind. From the moment I started writing this story, I wrote with the end in mind. Psalms 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God is the ultimate author; He too writes with the end in mind. He knows His plans for you, and they are for good, even when it doesn’t look like it.

 

In May of last year, I started feeling pain in my upper left teeth. I mentioned it to my dentist who suggested I may be experiencing some tooth sensitivity. Fast forward to a few months later. By then, the pain had radiated throughout the whole left side of my mouth starting at the front middle tooth, radiating all the way around to the bottom teeth, stopping again directly in the middle. Eating, drinking, and talking would make it worse. I knew something was wrong, so I made an appointment with another dentist. This new dentist did several X-rays and an exam and assured me nothing was wrong with my teeth. I knew I wasn’t crazy so I was insistent with the dentist that there must be some sort of explanation. I was having excruciating pain throughout the whole left side of my mouth and, so far, no one could give me an explanation. Imagine how your teeth feel when you bite into a fresh bite of ice cream, that sudden jolt of electricity. That’s how my mouth was feeling for large portions of the day, especially when I’d eat or drink. It was miserable. I knew something was wrong with me, and I just needed answers. My persistence paid off. The new dentist referred me back to an oral surgeon that I had seen years prior to rule out any possible referred pain.

 

It didn’t take months to get in to see the oral surgeon like it was supposed to. It only took days. When I arrived at the office, I was told that they no longer took my insurance. “What now?” I thought. I’d just have to pay cash, because I had to find out what was going on with me. Long story short: the insurance did end up paying for my visit. The pain was excruciating. Again, the oral surgeon did more X-rays, but these X-rays were even more advanced. They’re 3D and show the root of the tooth. If there was any problem with my teeth, these X-rays would definitely be able to reveal it. Once again, I am told there is nothing wrong with my teeth. I know I’m not imagining this pain, so what was causing it? I was at the point where I didn’t care if the dentist had to pull every tooth out of my mouth. I just needed to be out of pain. The oral surgeon continued that there was nothing wrong with my teeth, but he thought I might have something called Trigeminal Neuralgia, a rare neurological disorder. The oral surgeon had only seen one case in the last few years. He informed me that his last patient ended up needing an aneurysm removed so I shouldn’t delay on seeking prompt medical treatment. He assured me that he’d try his best to remember her name and to get me the name of her doctor. That was hundreds of patients ago, though, so there was no guarantee.

 

I left the oral surgeon’s office in tears. My teenage son had driven me so I tried to pull it together as I pondered ‘what now?’ Before waiting for an answer, I was on the phone with several neurologist offices, trying to get an appointment. Unfortunately, the closest appointments were over a month out. I became frantic because I was told not to wait.

 

When all else fails, pray. That’s the mindset of most of us, including me. After I couldn’t figure out how to fix this, I started messaging my friends to pray. And pray they did. Less than 24 hours later, I not only had the name of the neurosurgeon that my oral surgeon’s previous patient used, but I also had an appointment. It was still a month out, but they were fortunately able to order an MRI of my brain beforehand to rule out any life-threatening tumor or aneurysm. Everything fell in place so quickly that it’s obvious that God’s hand was in it.

 

My next ‘what now?’ question was how I was going to handle an MRI. I’m highly claustrophobic. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I tried to prepare for my MRI by lying in my laundry basket. I thought that it would help me get used to tight spaces, but it didn't. They gave me a sedative for my nerves, but it didn’t work until hours after the MRI passed. Thankfully, I did make it through the MRI due to prayer and the Christian music that I had them play during the scan.

 

The next several weeks, all I was left to do was wait. I searched for information on Trigeminal Neuralgia. (The worst thing you can do when something is wrong is to Google it.) I found out that Trigeminal Neuralgia was also known as the suicide disease. Apparently, it’s so painful that many people that get diagnosed with it end up committing suicide because they can’t cope with the pain.

 

Over the next month, my friends and family continued to pray for me.

 

By the time I made it to the neurologist and the neurosurgeon appointment, the only faint pain that remained was in one upper left molar. Fortunately, the MRI revealed that I did not have an aneurysm or brain tumor, but I did have Trigeminal Neuralgia. Trigeminal Neuralgia is where an artery pushes against the trigeminal nerve, causing intense pain. The neurosurgeon told me that I am very fortunate, that by the time he usually sees a patient for this condition, they’ve already had most of their teeth pulled out due to a misdiagnosis. Praise God, I hadn’t even had one tooth pulled. Tell me that God wasn’t in it. I was given two different options: an anti-seizure medication to be taken for the rest of my life suggested by the neurologist or have brain surgery suggested by the neurosurgeon. I had two doctors, one diagnosis, and two opinions on how to handle it. The neurosurgeon said that I’m too young to take anti-seizure medication for that long and that it would leave me as a shell of myself if I did. Surgery appeared to be the best option in his opinion.

 

I decided to opt out of both.

 

Here I sit, nearly five months later, virtually pain free other than the slight upper left molar tooth pain that comes and goes. Both doctors say that the pain will come back. The neurosurgeon says that when it does I should call to set up surgery.

 

So, what now? Now, I just sit in this moment. I thank God that I’m pain free. I claim my healing. I don’t worry about what’s next or what could be, because I’m not letting the enemy steal this moment from me. There’ve been too many God moments in my story to stop trusting the Author now.

 

So, for now, I drop the pen and let the real Author finish writing my story.