Forgiveness—where to start? Perhaps the best place would be when I became a child of God.

 

Although not brought up by Christian parents, I am very thankful for them. They did not just feed and clothe me and put a roof over my head, they invested themselves in my life. I mention this for two reasons.

 

First, I did not receive Jesus as my Savior and Lord until I was an adult. I was married to Larry [Wilson] and we had one daughter. I honestly do not have adequate words to explain the understanding I had knowing that I was “a new creation.” I am not an emotional person and this “feeling” was not emotional; it was simply a “knowing” that I was free. My way of thinking had changed. I no longer allowed past decisions to be part of my life. I had been forgiven. My desire to know about God and how He wanted me to live in His Kingdom led me to be in the church building every time the doors were open. I even attended business meetings!

 

Now, I do not want to be misheard. I am certainly in favor of parents taking their children to church. However, my not having been exposed to church and the various doctrines taught, when I began to read the Word, I just believed what was said. I did not have to run it through previous interpretations.

 

Second, because my dad was what anyone would be thrilled to have their dad be, I quickly related to Almighty God as my Father. I could talk to Him just as easily as I talked with my earthly dad. What a blessing!

 

After our first daughter was born, I became a stay-at-home mom. In a relatively short time, our family increased to three daughters. And, although I really, really loved being a mom, I began to have thoughts that I wasn’t being used in God’s Kingdom. Taking this concern to my Father, I complained that I wanted to be used like other women I knew who were teaching, and I was just a mother. He emphatically but lovingly spoke to me and said, “I’ve called you to be a mother.” I responded with a statement along the lines that I was already a mother as the result of a natural course of events. He then told me that I would be a mother to many. That shut down my complaining, although I had no understanding of what He said… yet.

 

In a matter of weeks, we took a teenager who was involved with the youth in our church into our home because she was being mistreated by her mother and stepfather. Just months later, a nineteen-year-old girl who had been part of our church family but had moved to the Midwest also came to live with us. As you can imagine, we were beginning to get some understanding as to what God had told me.

 

I don’t remember how much time passed, but it came about that we were going to move from Florida to Maryland due to Larry changing jobs. Both girls were able to return to their families before we left the area. We would have preferred to stay near our natural families and our church family, but we felt this was a move God wanted us to make. Although we had originally planned to give it a try for a year, we stayed in Maryland for three years. We tried very hard to get back to Florida when the first year was up but be assured that God’s timing prevailed. We finally understood that it took those three years for us to become a family in the truest sense. God was building a secure foundation for what was ahead. Also, our fourth daughter was born in Maryland.

 

As I mentioned, we wanted to return to Florida, but God placed us in Picayune, Mississippi. Since it was in the South, we weren’t too upset about not getting to Florida. We weren’t very long in Picayune—I’ll forego the details—when God opened the door to us becoming foster parents and pushed us right in! At that time, the primary purpose was to remove the children from a harmful situation, focus on helping the parents fix whatever was wrong, and return the children to their home. We understood this and that was what happened with several children in the beginning. Then three siblings, two girls and a boy, were brought to us. The older girl was just a year older than our oldest daughter; the boy was between our two middle daughters; and the younger girl was just two months younger than our three-year-old. They fit right in. Also, only the mother was part of their lives, and she was living a lifestyle that was very dangerous for the children with no desire to live differently. It took a good deal of perseverance, but we were able to adopt these children.

 

Although we were no longer foster parents, God continued to place children in our home. Some would stay a very short time and others many months. Two more teenagers joined our family for keeps, although never legally adopted. And still, many more came through years to follow.

 

It was through an older teenage boy who lived with us that God brought to our attention His view on forgiveness. At the time, he and our son were the only boys in our family of six girls. We honestly don’t remember the details as to why he came to live with us or his family situation but do remember that he became very possessive of our son. One day our son didn’t come home from school, and we learned that he had been kidnapped by this guy. We were, to say the least, shocked and devastated. We were thankful he did bring him home, but our anger was through the roof. He was immediately put out of our home.

 

Later, a friend who had been interacting with this young man called Larry to say he needed to come to see the young man. Although Larry would rather not have ever seen him again, he did go. The young man was in the corner of the room in a fetal position and asked Larry to forgive him. Larry’s response was an emphatic, “No.” Our friend then said to Larry, “You have to forgive him because God says so.” Knowing that he was scripturally correct, Larry forgave him and shared with me to do the same.

 

After graduating high school, our oldest daughter made some unhealthy decisions as to her selection of “friends”. Fast forward, she had distanced herself from her family, got into a relationship with a man, and birthed two children. Before her second child was born, she reconnected with us for which we were very grateful. Various changes occurred over the next few years, including her separating from the kids’ father and the three of them living with us. She and the kids later got a place of their own, and we stayed involved.

 

Unfortunately, she again chose her associations unwisely. Being very concerned about our grandchildren’s well-being, we begged her to let us keep the kids so that she could focus on getting a job and putting these people out of her life. She agreed.

 

We had only had the kids for a couple of weeks when the police showed up at our door to tell us our daughter had been murdered. I don’t have words to express the disbelief, grief, and anger that overwhelmed us. Despite those feelings, we had to deal with immediate concerns.

 

When Larry and I then had time to ourselves, we dealt with our feelings. We both questioned whether we had failed in preventing her death. Also, knowing the man who took her life was in jail and there would be a trial, we talked about what we hoped the outcome would be to grant justice. Then, as we had experienced years earlier, we had to deal with forgiving this man.

 

I’m not saying the kidnapping of our son was the only time we’ve forgiven. It, however, made us aware that forgiveness was a necessity for our living a peaceful lifestyle, living in freedom from being controlled. Unforgiveness is heavy and tightens around a hurt, causing us to be tethered to the past and to relive moments that can’t be changed. Yes, we chose to forgive him and gathered our other children together to encourage them to also forgive.

 

Neither of us had researched how many times in scripture we are instructed to forgive, but even if it was only once, we should do so. Far too often we read scripture that tells us to do something, where it’s an actual command, and we receive it as a suggestion. I encourage you to do what’s best for you. Search the Scriptures and meditate on God’s instructions to forgive.