Best Dad Ever | Lifesigns Magazine

Forgiveness is a hard word to act on, but it is incredibly powerful when you do.

My story started as a young boy searching for his identity. Normally, an earthly father helps a son discover who he is. Looking back now, I understand much more about the pain I experienced in life and why I encountered it.

My father climbed the career ladder of success, but along the way he got caught up in the ways of the world—womanizing, never being home, drinking, and becoming abusive. As a young boy, I still wanted to be just like him. I was too young to know anything different. That was my “Daddy.”

Eventually, my mom found the courage to divorce him. The weekend visits became fewer and fewer. There was no child support, no birthdays, and eventually no sign of him at all. He left my mom and my two brothers in a very difficult place. That’s when I began calling him a “deadbeat dad.” That’s also when hatred started growing in my heart.

I never understood what the Bible meant by ‘a hardened heart’ until I lived it myself. Every once in a while, I would receive a “Merry Christmas,” but to this day I’m not sure he ever knew when my birthday was. So, I went looking for my identity on the streets, which is not a good place to find it. The people who I thought were my friends stabbed me in the back. Trust became something I feared. My mindset became this: trust no one and fight through life. Closed fists. Closed heart.

I did life the best I could. I even got married, but I didn’t trust my wife. I had two beautiful children, a house, a boat, and a wife who I think loved me. (She did—but I wouldn’t let her in.) Life looked good from the outside.

Looking back now, I realize I was a lonely man. I was climbing the ladder of success and partying it up. Sound familiar? I was becoming the very thing I hated.

I hadn’t spoken to my father for over 20 years. I thought I had managed my pain without him but, in reality, I had just buried unforgiveness deep in my soul.

One day I asked my neighbor, “How are you always so happy?”

He said, “I go to church.”

I thought, What?

He told me, “Just try it. Go four weeks in a row.”

So, I started the “church thing”, honestly, because I felt something in my life was missing. I’m the adventurous type, so I went—but with closed fists and the attitude that churches just want your money. Sure enough, they passed the offering buckets, and I laughed to myself, thinking that I was right. I said I would stick it out for four weeks, though.

Little did I know that pastor seemed to be talking directly to me.

Something happened during those visits to church. To this day I’m not sure exactly how God got my attention, but He did. I thought to myself, If I couldn’t trust my earthly father, how could I trust a heavenly Father?

But slowly, I began following Christ. That decision led me to things I only dreamed about as an adventurous boy. My heart softened and my life changed. I started serving at church, going on short-term mission trips, and joining small groups. I finally felt like I was part of something bigger than myself.

Then one day I realized something: I couldn’t pass my hatred for my father down to my children. So, I picked up the phone and called him. I asked if he would like to come to one of the kids’ birthdays.

He said yes.

I’ll be honest… It was awkward. But, little by little, we started talking again. I eventually found the courage to forgive the man who had hurt me so deeply.

What happened next amazed me.

That “deadbeat dad” had become a follower of Christ during those years we were apart. The wisdom of the Lord flowed through his words. I had questions; he had answers, and God clearly had a plan. I became a fully devoted follower of Christ as well, and my earthly father became my mentor. He would sweat through the summer with no air conditioning and freeze in the winter with no heat just so he could give more to the church.

You can’t write stories like that.

Those last five years with my father were exactly what I needed to learn to trust my heavenly Father. Every time I went on a mission trip, my dad would pray for me and the team. I would call him a few days before leaving so he could pray.

One time I called, and there was no answer.

I had just seen him a few days earlier.

As I drove the 45 minutes to his house, a verse came to my mind: “Jesus said to him, ‘Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ (Luke 9:60)” When I arrived, I found that little man lying there lifeless. And somehow, I knew I still had to go on the mission trip the next day to Brazil on the Amazon River.

During that trip, God showed up in ways I could never have imagined.

God’s mercy and grace forgave me for all the years of hatred I carried. But, it started with one action from me: forgiveness.

Those last five years with my father became the best years we ever had together. I loved that man deeply. And in many ways, I became just like him.

Today I love God and His children the way my father did. None of this would have happened without forgiveness. I know forgiveness is the hardest thing anyone can do. However, trusting in God is easy. With Him anything is possible, even a deadbeat dad becoming the best dad ever.